


Drowning

by PurpleArrowzandLeather



Category: Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, F/M, Obi-Wan being a good mentor, Obi-Wan is Worried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 08:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16059254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleArrowzandLeather/pseuds/PurpleArrowzandLeather
Summary: Anakin nearly kills someone and has a little bit of an identity crisis. Obi-Wan seems unable to help him.





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own whoever the heck made Clone Wars stuff. I'm just a fic writer set on twisting hearts and breaking brains.   
> This was a bit of a fluke. I'll be back to writing Batfam stuff in about two seconds. Enjoy!

          Anakin sits on the wing of a ship, debating over himself almost obsessively. If his anger is so bad, then why does it make him feel so powerful? But it also leaves him exhausted. Anakin curls, leaning against the ship's aft.  _What can I do?_

          "Anakin?"

          He turns, Obi-Wan sitting down next to him. "What do you want?" Anakin growls.

          "My, my, Anakin. That's no way to greet a friend."

          A swell of guilt fills Anakin's chest. "Sorry."

          "Please, Anakin. Don't plague me with things I already know."

          "Then what? What can I possibly say that negates what I did today? I almost killed a man!"

          "You didn't. Anakin, I know you, better than I think you understand. You don't let things go, and even when you can't solve a problem, you try nonetheless."

          "Obi-Wan-"

          "Just.... listen to me, Anakin. I'm not your Master anymore, but it would be polite of you to at least listen."

          Anakin hunches his shoulders, looking rather miserable. "Sorry."

          Obi-Wan rests a hand on his shoulder. "No need to apologize. I just need your ears for a moment." Anakin smiles weakly, and Obi-Wan offers a smile in return before looking out at the sandy horizon. 

          "M'listening." Anakin mumbles. 

          Obi-Wan releases a heavy breath. "It's has been many years since and old friend was lost to the Dark Side. You remind me of him sometimes, with your attitude, and with your constant commitment to your cause." Anakin hangs his head, distraught. "But what I don't see in you is his  _darkness_. My friend made many questionable choices. His life before becoming a Jedi was hard, and his outlook far more cynical than you or I. He very much doubted the hearts of people, no matter their species. And.... he was very much alone."

          "What happened that pushed him over the edge?"

          Obi-Wan is stung by a prick of melancholy. "There was... there was a man, a trader, except that he dealt in living specimens. Young adolescents. My friend's brother and sister had been kidnapped years before and sold to who knows where. He never saw them again." Obi-Wan sighs. "He found this man, and upon realizing that there were children ready to be shipped out, he chopped his hands off. The man, though bleeding, recognized him and he started laughing. I... I begged my friend to stop, but he choked the man to death where he stood."

          Anakin looks stricken and Ovi-Wan has to remind himself to finish the story. "He turned to me and he said, ' _Obi-Wan, can't you see? Some people aren't worth helping! Can't you see that we're fighting in all of this for nothing? For people who are only out for themselves?_ '." Anakin looks down at the ground. "I didn't have a chance to help him. He knocked me out and I never.... I never heard from him again. I hear rumors, sometimes, about a freelancer out for hire, but no one has ever seen him. I like to think that maybe one day, he'll realize that there are those who are worth saving."

          "So, he's an assassin now?"

          "Mmm. Of that, I have no idea. He could be, or it could just be my wishful thinking." Anakin shifts until he's sitting right next to his mentor. "Anakin, the look on his face, the betrayal. I have prayed ever since that I would never have to witness them again. I don't want that kind of darkness for you."

          Anakin's mask cracks just a a little, and his voice is so distressed, it almost hurts. "I don't want it either, but sometimes I just... feel this hole, and the anger," he hangs his head, ashamed. " _the anger fills it._ "

          "Yes, my boy, but for how long? How long until you need to fill that hole again? How long until that anger turns to rage? Or worse, what happens when the anger isn't enough? Nothing comes of it, Anakin."

          "It's just...." Anakin breaks off, pressing his face against Obi-Wan's shoulder.

          "It's a lot simpler, isn't it, Anakin? To just be angry?"

          "I almost killed him, Obi-Wan. I almost did it."

          "Almost is not having done it."

          Anakin's response is a scant whisper. " _But I wanted to._ "

          Obi-Wan chuckles. "So why didn't you?" If you really wanted him dead, I doubt I could have stopped you."

          "It's always there. Always waiting to let me try again."

          "And that, dear boy, is true of any being who uses the Force. We fight it, wrestle with it, every stop of the way and  _that_ is what makes us good, Anakin. That is what makes us Jedi. We fight for the light in all of us, even when others embrace the dark."

          Anakin stares down at his own hands, his head still leaning on Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan has never seen him so unsure of himself, so _afraid_ of himself.

          "What if...." Anakin trails off. "What if I'm not good enough? I-I almost-"

          "Anakin." Obi-Wan says, drawing out his name. "It's best not to dwell on 'almost', but rather on what you can do about it in the future. You're a good man, Anakin Skywalker. Remember that."

          Anakin's mask cracks a little more and silent tears drip down him face. He draws his knees up to his chest, hiding his face behind them.

          Obi-Wan sighs, lifting a hand to squeeze Anakin's shoulder. "Sometimes, my boy, we can only try. Then, there are days when it feels like even that is not enough."

          Anakin hunches away from his hand and Obi-Wan moves to stand. Anakin doesn't try to stop him from going, and Obi-Wan glances back up at him once he reaches the ground.  _One day, dear boy, you will need to decide, and on that day, I pray that you know your own heart._

          Anakin lifts his head, staring down at Obi-Wan with an expression that's just so  _lost._ Obi-Wan wishes that there was something more he could do, but this is something that Anakin will have to decide for himself.

          Obi-Wan smiles encouragingly, but Anakin only drops his chin down on one knee, closing his eyes. Obi-Wan is not the boy's Master anymore, but Anakin is in desperate need of guidance. He resolves to stay as close as he can.

          Obi-Wan works in the hangar for a little while, keeping an eye on Anakin. The low hum in the Force tells him that Anakin is meditating. It's not working. Obi-wan doesn't like to interfere, but Anakin's troubled thoughts are making it hard to focus on anything else, and he's paying less and less attention to his duties. Obi-Wan gently pressures Anakin's ming to calm and rest. Anakin doesn't resist, his mind quieting. 

           ** _I'm just so tired, Obi-Wan. So tired of fighting._**

          Obi-Wan takes the steps up to the landing pad and uses the Force to lower Anakin into his arms after he's certain Anakin is asleep. The walk is long to Anakin's room, but Obi-Wan has already committed himself to helping the poor boy get some peace of mind. Ahsoka is in the hallway knocking on Anakin's door when Obi-Wan finally gets there. She's shocked by the sight of Anakin in Obi-Wan's arms.

          "Is he all right?"

          "He's fine. Only sleeping, young padawan. Would you mind opening the door?"

          Ahsoka puts the code in and the door opens. He puts Anakin down on his bed, tugging the single blanket he keeps down from the top of his bookshelf. Once he's settled, Ahsoka leaves to tend to other tasks and Obi-Wan stays by Anakin's side. 

          His mind doesn't stay quiet, the thrum of the Force growing stronger as Anakin starts to dream. 

          Inside his own mind, Anakin sits up, a breath puffing from his mouth as he pulls the hood of his cloak up over his head. He walks fast towards the sound of running water and stops at the end of the hall. The rest of the building is gone, a steep drop-off in front of his feet. There's a wailing somewhere down below, the sound barely echoing up to his ears. He pulls his saber, leaping down. Wind whistles around his ears and he lands softly at the bottom. He follows the sound, now infinitely louder, to its source. His eyes widen and he pulls his hood back, crouching down next to Ahsoka. She's bloody, cuts all over, all seared shut.  _Lightsaber burns._ Anakin turns her over and she opens her shining blue eyes. 

          Upon seeing him, she screams. Anakin startles, reaching out to her. "Snips! It's me!" 

          She cowers away from his hand and screams again, tears falling down her face. "Get away from me!"

          "Snips!"

          "Don't call me that!" he reaches out again and she shrinks away from him. "Get away! Don't touch me! You're a monster!"

          Anakin suddenly can't breathe and he falls back.  _Did I- Did I do this to her?_

          He hears another voice calling to him and he turns, the light around him dimming into shadows and deep forest. He follows the voice, rushing as he recognizes it as Obi-Wan. He moves as fast as he can, but the voice keeps evading him. He falls once, his cloak tugging taught on a bunch of branches. He rips himself free, crawling to his feet. 

          "Anakin, please." Obi-Wan says, groaning.

          Anakin is frozen when he starts to choke and a hooded figure appears in front of him, his hand curled into a tight fist. 

          "A-Anakin, stop t-this, please."

          Anakin leaps into action, tackling the man hurting Obi-Wan. He pulls the hooded man's cloak back and gasps when he sees his own face smiling back at him. He leaps back, looking down at Obi-Wan. His eyes are barely open and Anakin starts to panic, turning back to his double. 

          "What have you done?!" Anakin shouts. 

          His double laughs. "What have _I_ done? Oh, no, dear Anakin. It's what you've done."

          The copy disappears and Anakin crouches next to Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan! Can you hear me?! Obi-Wan! Answer me, please!"

          Obi-Wan coughs, eyes opening to look at him. "Why, Anakin?"

          "I didn't-"  _It's what you've done._ "I- I didn't mean to!"

          Obi-Wan tries to gasp out a response, but he suddenly goes rigid and his eyes flick down to his chest. Anakin leaps away when he sees that his saber is through Obi-Wan's chest. Obi-Wan looks up at him, betrayal in his eyes. 

          "No!" Anakin throws his saber away, dropping to his knees next to Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan, please, no!"

          Obi-Wan closes his eyes, no longer drawing breath, and Anakin scrambles away from him, only stopping when he backs into a tree root. He panics.  _What have I done? What have I done?! I killed my Master!_  When he next looks up, everyone he's ever known is strewn about on the ground in front of him, lightsaber burns all over them and one hole squarely in the middle of their chests. Yoda, Ahsoka, Rex, Obi-Wan. All dead. Every last one.

          His double stands in the middle of it all, red saber glowing in his hand and his lips tipped up in a smile. He turns just enough to show him Padmé struggling in his grasp, his hand clenched around her throat. Her struggles weaken until the light fades from her eyes as she stares up at his double's face.  _NO!_

          "Isn't it beautiful, Anakin? All of your hard work? Now there's no one to hold you back." His double tosses her body away. Anakin squeezes his eyes shut and suddenly the double is right in front of him, red eyes glowing. "There's no one to keep you from becoming  _me_." 

          His double's hand wraps around his throat and the tree roots start to creak and crack, twisting around him. His double turns into black smoke and Anakin screams as it forces its way inside his mouth. The roots continue to entrap him until everything is dark and black. Anakin screams for help, but then he remembers.  _I killed them all. There's no one to help me._ He pants, breaths drawing shallow in the confined space and he screams again, praying that everything he's seen is wrong.

          " _ **ANAKIN! WAKE UP!**_ "

          Anakin snaps upright, one hand clutching his chest and the other reaching for the source of the voice. A hand grasps his and someone pulls him into a firm hug. He shakes, tears dripping down his face. He doesn't even think to stop them. The person in the room with him directs Anakin's head to rest on their chest, their heartbeat thumping loud in his ear.

          "Easy, dear boy, it's all right. It's all right."

          " _Obi-Wan._ " Anakin manages. " __ _Padmé._ "

          "Easy, Anakin. It was just nightmare. Everything is all right."

          Anakin tries to steady his breathing, but it doesn't work, each breath stuttering out over the last. Obi-Wan rubs his back to try to soothe him and Anakin times his breaths with each rotation. Obi-Wan catches on, slowing over time so Anakin can reach some semblance of calm. It's a half-hour before Anakin can even bring himself to try to stop shaking. An hour to reach a single word utterance, but it's only Obi-Wan's name again. Anakin thinks he may be sick, but Obi-Wan's presence is slowly pulling him back from his panic. 

          Distress rolls off of him in waves and Obi-Wan is using every ounce of self-control he has not to pass out due to its potency. He can only imagine what the rest of the compound is like right now. 

          Anakin murmurs things under his breath and Obi-Wan tries to quiet him. Anakin is so exhausted by the time he's well and truly calm that he slumps against Obi-Wan's chest, scarcely moving at all. 

          "Anakin, dear boy. Can you hear me?"

          He nods, not bringing his head up to look at Obi-Wan at all. 

          "Are you all right?"

          Anakin shakes his head and Obi-Wan feels unease worm through his chest. Anakin is silent for a couple more minutes before pulling away from Obi-Wan. 

          "I've- I've never- that was...."

          "I would say that was rather traumatic, young padawan."

          Anakin glares. "That's not funny." He remembers seeing Ahsoka's terrified expression. His own padawan. "That's not funny at all."

          "Would you feel better if I found Padmé and brought her here instead?"

           _I choked the life from her with my own hands. I killed the woman I love and I was_ _**smiling**._  "You can't. She's on an ambassador mission somewhere."

          "Well, then I guess it's either me or Ahsoka."

          Anakin shakes his head. "I just.... want to be alone for a while."

          Obi-Wan pats his knee, getting up and straightening his robes. "When next I see you, it will probably be with a mission. It might help to take your mind off of things."

          Anakin nods, drawing his knees up to his chest. "Yeah, maybe."

          Before Obi-Wan lets the door slide shut, he turns back to Anakin. "Do take good care of yourself, dear boy."

          Anakin smiles weakly at him and Obi-Wan lets the door close. He worries for the young Master, but there really isn't much that can be done. Obi-Wan sends up a small prayer to whoever might be listening that Anakin might find his way through this.  _What can I do?_  


End file.
